The Paisley Print

UFC 108 predictions.

Trent Paisley — Thu, 31 Dec 2009 16:51:37 +0000

Preliminary Card

Middleweight bout: Mark Munoz vs. Ryan Jensen
I will admit, pretty disappointing card, right?
Munoz via decision (disappointing)

Welterweight bout: Mike Pyle vs. Jake Ellenberger
It’s not really the UFC’s fault that there were so many injuries though. They can’t control that. So, anyone got any sweet New Year’s Eve plans?
Ellenberger via ref stoppage (debatable)

Lightweight bout: Rafaello Oliveira vs. John Gunderson
My New Year’s? Well, I’ve been covering the World Junior Hockey Championship, which are taking place in my hometown of Saskatoon, for the WJHC blog at 2010juniors.com. Tonight, I’m there for the biggest game of the round robin – Canada vs. USA. Once that ends, I’m going to a party. I’m planning on getting there, realizing I’m the only sober one, then drinking as fast as I can to change that. Then I plan on getting the spins, blacking out, followed by waking up in my own bed tomorrow, still clothed, with no idea how I got there. As you can tell, I’m a New Year’s Eve party veteran.
Oliveira via TKO (regrettable, like the alcohol TKO I’m going to put on myself later tonight)

Spike TV Card

Welterweight bout: Martin Kampmann vs. Jacob Volkmann
We used to hang out with this chick whose last name was Volk, back in my first couple years of University. One night, I drank too much, passed out in her hot tub, and woke up with half an eyebrow shaved off. Later that night, someone urinated on her neighbour’s window. Ms. Volk sent out a mass text message the next day to everyone that was at her party, asking us to go to her neighbour’s and apologize. Instead, we just stopped hanging out with her.
Kampmann via KO (harsh)

Lightweight bout: Cole Miller vs. Dan Lauzon
Dan Lauzon is Joe Lauzon’s little brother. You probably knew that already. What you maybe didn’t know is that I also have a little brother. Despite him being an unseasoned 22 years of age, compared to my owned seasoned 25 years of age, people often confuse him as the older one. Likely because he is quite a bit heavier than me, and has a huge beard. He kind of looks like Jack Black.
Cole Miller via submission (asphyxiating)

Main Card

Lightweight bout: Jim Miller vs. Duane Ludwig
Former NFL quarterback Jim Miller, as far as I know, is not related to current UFC fighter Jim Miller. Taking that into consideration, I believe Jim Miller should take this one easily. If you don’t understand how Jim Miller not being related to Jim Miller makes a difference in my fight analysis, obviously you’re a TUF nub.
Jim Miller via submission (confusing)

Heavyweight bout: Junior dos Santos vs. Gilbert Yvel
Here is a list of the lists I’ve made today.
1. A to-do list.
2. A grocery list.
3. This list.
Now that I’ve got that out of the way, Gilbert Yvel is not very good, but his tattoo artist is.
Junior dos Santos via KO (uplifting!)

Lightweight bout: Joe Lauzon vs. Sam Stout
I am obviously expecting Canada to beat the USA in this bout, much like I am expecting Canada to beat the USA tonight, at the World Juniors game. Unfortunately, I will not be able to cheer for Canada tonight, as there is no cheering allowed in the media area. Maybe I’ll make like Bobby Hebert, and just cheer regardless.
Stout via TKO (patriotic)

Welterweight bout: Dustin Hazelett vs. Paul Daley
Hazelett seems like a weird dude. Want to hear a good song?

Kind of weird too, right? That’s why it was topical. I always try to keep my fight analysis on point.
Hazelett via submission (unorthodox)

Light Heavyweight bout: Rashad Evans vs. Thiago Silva
Legitimately an interesting fight, if not a particularly inspiring main event. To be honest, I think Evans’ clearest path to victory would be grounding, followed by pounding, but I think more likely he’s just going to try to hit Silva with a counter hook. It might even work too, I’m not ruling that out. What I am ruling out is me taking much more time making these picks. Nice working with you this year. Kisses.
Silva via decision (strangely compelling)

Things that don’t exactly ease your mind as your about to step onto an airplane.

Trent Paisley — Fri, 18 Dec 2009 02:47:45 +0000

I flew to Calgary with WestJet last week.

Pretty standard stuff, right? I get to the airport, I go through security, I sit at the gate for 45 minutes, I finally get to board, and now I’m standing in a line to step onto the place.

So I’m standing in this line… and on the side of the plane, right beside where you enter, there’s this huge decal. And the decal proudly states “One of Canada’s most admired companies – 2007″.

….. 2007. That was almost three years ago. All I can think to myself is, “Wait. You were one of Canada’s most admired companies…. but that was three years ago. Do you mind sharing with me what in the world did you do to screw that one up?”. It’s not exactly the most comforting thought to have as you’re about to step onto a plane.

Anyways, I feel the need to share this song, what with Canada’s attention being on Saskatchewan in a week, where we’re proudly hosting the World Juniors.

En francais, for your viewing pleasure.

Covering the World Junior Hockey Championships?

Trent Paisley — Sun, 13 Dec 2009 00:49:43 +0000

So, I’ve got some news! I’ve been asked to cover the World Junior Hockey Championships as an interactive blogger. The tournament takes place from December 26th to January 5th, right here in my hometown of Saskatoon, Saskatchewan. My focus won’t be to recap the hockey itself (I guess they pay people to write about stuff like that) but instead to cover the various activities and events taking place across the City during that time. The whole shebang will be posted over at worldjrs.wordpress.com. It’s all very exciting.

Will I get an interview with one of the weekend’s stars, like Jordan Eberle, Ryan Ellis, or Trooper? Will I get kicked out of the media area of the rink for cheering my face off? Will I post something offensive on the World Juniors blog that gets our plug pulled by Hockey Canada? Only time will tell.

UFC 107 Predictions.

Trent Paisley — Fri, 11 Dec 2009 04:14:12 +0000

Undercard

Alan Belcher vs. Wilson Gouveia
I think, of all the last names I’ve heard, the one I would least enjoy owning as my own last name would be Belcher. Mr. Belcher. It doesn’t even sound real. I’d have to say though, if I was young Alan, and that was the last name I was saddled with.. I would at least try to embrace it. Alan Belcher’s nickname is “The Talent”. He needs to change that to “The Talented”. Alan “The Talented” Belcher. Now that’s a guy you don’t want to fight.
Gouveia via proper etiquette.

Matt Wiman vs. Shane Nelson
Both of these fighters were on the Ultimate Fighter reality show, albeit different seasons. Shane Nelson trains with BJ Penn. I don’t know who Matt Wiman trains with, but he bills himself as “Handsome” Matt Wiiman, which is bold. With that high quality fight analysis now out of the way, I’d like to speak for a second on something that has really been bothering me as of late. Namely, winter. What is the point of this season? Why do people (myself included) even live in climates that have to deal with it? And don’t give me the “I like winter, I like to snowboard” counter-argument. Snow is great… when it’s on a mountain. That’s the optimal location for snow if your end goal is to slide on a board across it. I’ve never snowboarded on my driveway, yet, that’s where the vast majority of snow in my life ends up. What a stupid season.
Wiman via decision (depressing, like winter)

Johny Hendricks vs. Ricardo Funch
I’ll be honest with you. I’ve never heard of Ricardo Funch. Wikipedia tells me that, although he was born in Brazil, he trains in Ludlow, Massachusetts. My lord. Of all the places you could train, you choose Ludlow, MA. That tells me all I need to know about young Ricardo’s decision making skills (skillz).
Hendricks via psychedelic guitar solo.

Paul Harris vs. Len Harris
Okay, the fight is actually between Rousimar Palhares and Lucio Linhares. Those are weird names that are hard to spell. In fact, I had to look at wikipedia twice right now to make sure I had them right. Considering you already pronounce their respective last names “Paul Harris” and “Len Harris” anyways… why not just go with that? It makes it easier for people to write about you. People should be more concerned about their “ease-of-being-written-about” quotient.
Paul Harris via slick Brazilian Jiu Jitsu submission (not very American)

Damarques Johnson vs. Edgar Garcia
Damarques is another TUF reality show alumni. I’m also not particularly sure he’s very good. If I could get back on topic though, let me say… winter is really the worst part of my life. I walked my dog this morning in a -45 wind chill. Minus forty-five. Let that sink in for a second. Even worse, my dog doesn’t seem to mind. He seems pretty sure that walks should still be occurring with summer-esque frequency, in fact. Consequently, I am beginning to resent my dog.
Garcia via KO (exciting)

Kevin Burns vs. T.J. Grant
What’s that? T.J. Grant is Canadian? Hmmm. Let me just factor that in to my UFC prediction-making-process. There we are.
T.J. Grant via Canadian citizenship (devastating)

Main Card

Paul Buentello vs. Stefan Struve
In what will assuredly be the most visually hilarious fight on the card, the UFC serves us up the classic battle between… an overweight, 35 year-old Texican, and a 6’11″ Dutch guy who looks like he’s 14 years old. If we’re learned anything from the previous 100 or so UFC events, it is that the slight statistical advantage in this situation belongs to the freakishly tall Dutch fighter.
Stevan Struve via Skyscraper Suplex (which I can only assume is his WWF-style finishing move that he uses to finish fights)

Kenny Florian vs. Clay Guida
Kenny Florian switched trainers for this fight, moving North of the border to train with Firas and GSP in Montreal. Now, you’re probably wondering to yourself – does training with Canadians, in Canada, make one an honorary Canadian? To be honest, in some cases it would. In this particular situation it doesn’t, chiefly because Kenny Florian insists on going by the nickname KenFlo. Gross. Still, I’m picking The Flo to win, based on the fact that he’s fighting a Geico Caveman. Things have been working out very poorly for those guys ever since their show was canceled.
Kenny Florian via the theory of evolution

Jon Fitch vs. Mike Pierce
Okay, I’ll be honest with you. It’s likely that many of these predictions will turn out to be incorrect. I do have one fool-proof, money-in-the-bank, bet-a-night-with-your-girlfriend prediction for this card though. Specifically, that prediction is that this fight will go to decision. Anytime Jon Fitch is involved, you can be sure that it’s going to take up a solid 25 minutes of your Saturday night.
Jon Fitch via decision (predictable AND boring)

Frank Mir vs. Cheick Kongo
Okay – I actually feel pretty confident in this prediction as well. Kongo has relatively lousy submission defense, and Mir is probably one of the best 3-4 submission artists fighting at heavyweight in the world. It’s highly likely that at some point in this fight, Kongo is going to find himself being choked. It’s predictable. Here’s something else that is fairly predictable for me. As I’m tying this, my dog is staring at me AGAIN, acting like he wants to go for a walk. And once again, the temperature outside is -40 with the wind chill. You know how some people buy little jackets and boots for their dog, so that they are warm in the winter? I think I’m going to shave mine.
Mir via choke (asphyxiating)

Main Event
UFC Lightweight Championship
BJ Penn vs Diego Sanchez
It’s really important that you watch this.

Listen, I believe in the power of positive thinking as much as the next guy, but…
BJ Penn via “No” somersault

UFC 106 (Quick) Predictions.

Trent Paisley — Fri, 20 Nov 2009 10:15:33 +0000

All apologies, as I’m decimated with garbage at work here. No time to make (1 or 2) funny (and 18 to 19 not-funny) comments along with the picks.

Undercard
Jason Dent vs. George Sotiropoulos

Fabricio Camoes vs. Caol Uno

Brian Foster vs. Brock Larson

Kendall Grove vs. Jake Rosholt

Marcus Davis vs. Ben Saunders

Main Card

Paulo Thiago vs. Jacob Volkmann

Luiz Cane vs. Antonio Rogerio Nogueira

Phil Baroni vs. Amir Sadollah

Anthony Johnson vs. Josh Koscheck

Main Event
Forrest Griffin vs. Tito Ortiz

UFC 105 Predictions.

Trent Paisley — Fri, 13 Nov 2009 18:06:31 +0000

From Manchester, free on Spike!

Undercard

Andre Winner vs Roli Delgado
Roli Delgado is perhaps the least muscular fighter in UFC history. On a positive note for Roli, he’s fighting a thumb-sucker. Hmmmm. The plot thickens…
Andre Winner via persuasive last name.

Alexander Gustafsson vs Jared Hamman
Okay, I’ll be honest, I don’t know who these people are. Still, I feel confident taking the Ham-Man. The porcine seem to be a very dangerous people, as of late.
Ham-Man via H1N1.

Paul Kelly vs Dennis Siver
The UK versus Germany. I hope we don’t open any old wounds, here. I feel like I know how this one turns out, though. Very poorly for Japan.
Paul Kelly via atomic bomb.

Nick Osipczak vs Matt Riddle
Could this be the first fight that Matt Riddle actually finishes in the UFC? Doubt it. Good job with the Dragonball-Z hair though, Matt. You just keep that up.
Matt Riddle via decision (boring).

Terry Etim vs Shannon Gugerty
Shannon is a girl’s name, and you’re not going to be able to convince me otherwise. Terry can be a girl’s name too, but you would probably spell it Terri. He gets a pass.
Terry Etim via home field advantage (overrated).

Paul Taylor vs John Hathaway
Actually, I’m suddenly not convinced I know the difference between Paul Taylor and Paul Kelly. Both British, same first name, common last name…. I know they fought each other in a fight-of-the-night, once. Wikipedia is telling me Paul Kelly won. Hmmm. Better go with Hathaway, just to be safe, here. I’m risk-averse. (Risk-averse! Like that, personal finance crowd? Admit it, you liked it).
Hathaway via a well diversified investment portfolio.

Main Card

Ross Pearson vs Aaron Riley
Odds that I go for Sushi tonight? I’d say 50/50.
Aaron Riley via tempura dynamite roll (delicious).

James Wilks vs Matt Brown
I find James Wilks to be very… what’s the word?… Supercilious. Now Matt Brown, I like. Quiet, humble, posts on the UG, immortal. All good things.
Matt Brown via TKO (humbling).

Michael Bisping vs Denis Kang
I’m on the record saying that I would pick Denis Kang in all his fights. For one, Kang is Canadian, and usually being Canadian is enough to earn my stamp of approval (fictional). Ambitious young Denis takes it one step further, though. Not only is he Canadian, but he learnt his jitz from Marcus Soares. Now, I know this might blow your mind, BUT, yours truly used to train under a dude named Troy Scheer…. who was ALSO a Marcus Soares student. So basically, what I’m trying to say is, I know a girl, who knows a guy, who knows Kevin Bacon. (Non-fictional).
Denis Kang via Canadian citizenship Plus.

Mike Swick vs Dan Hardy
I just realized I have now picked against the UK fighter in every main event fight. Would that induce one of those hooligan riots you see on TV every now and then? One can only hope. One thing I’m not hoping for is that ole-ole-ole chant. I know, I know, Montreal does it too, but don’t blame me for that. I’m Anglophone-Canadian, not Francophone-Canadian. There are significant differences between the two groups.
Swick via Swickotine (trademarked).

Main Event
Randy Couture vs Brandon Vera
Change of plans y’all. I’m not going for sushi tonight. I’m going for sushi right now. Life is so hard to predict, eh? One minute you think you MIGHT be going for sushi in 7-8 hours, and bam, ten minutes later, you are assuredly going for sushi in 15-20 minutes. So unpredictable. On that note, here is my money-in-the-bank prediction for this fight – It is going to spend a substantial amount of time with two dudes hugging, while leaning on a fence. Sigh.
Brandon Vera via decision (boring).

UFC 104 Predictions.

Trent Paisley — Thu, 22 Oct 2009 17:22:02 +0000

Undercard

Stefan Struve vs. Chase Gormley
Saskatoon, where I live, has a “news-talk-radio” station that has a daily “call-in and talk politics” radio show. I imagine you Americans that are reading this are very familiar with this concept, because if there is one thing I know about Americans (there are actually six) it is that Americans love to express their political views to fellow Americans via the medium of call-in radio shows. Where am I going with all this you might be asking? Well, Saskatoon’s call-in show is hosted by a man named John Gormley. I don’t like John Gormley at all, not for his politics, which I probably agree with more often than not, but because he talks like he has marbles in his mouth. Very jowlly. And I’m holding that against Chase.
Struve via Skyscraper Suplex (a sweet WWF-style finishing move that I can only assume he has in his repertoire).

Razak Al-Hassan vs. Kyle Kingsbury
I hope Kyle’s middle name isn’t Kevin.
Al-Hassan via backlash against racism.

Rob Kimmons vs. Jorge Rivera
Have you guys ever heard of a band called The Gourds? They are an alt-country group from somewhere in the Southern US. They did that country-cover of “Gin and Juice” that you’ve probably heard, although they don’t usually get the credit for it. Anyways, the Gourds have this sweet song called “My Name is Jorge” that I always think of whenever I hear the name Jorge. Full disclosure, living in Western Canada, I rarely hear the name Jorge. I imagine I will hear the name Jorge on Saturday though, specifically a sentence starting with “Jorge”, and ending with “Rivera, winner by TKO”.
Rivera via TKO (announced by Bruce Buffer).

Yushin Okami vs. Chael Sonnen
I think I’m going to leave work when I’m done this post. Obviously I’ve ceased to be productive, as I’m making UFC picks (which believe it or not, isn’t one of the specific tasks that I’m paid to do). You might be able to tell that I have nothing remotely interesting to say about this fight.
Okami via decision (boring).

Antoni Hardonk vs. Patrick Barry
Antoni Hardonk always reminds me of Ivan Drago. I just went and google-imaged-searched Hardonk and Drago, and they don’t actually look that similar. And Hardonk isn’t even Russian, he’s Dutch. Still, in my head, Hardonk is the real-life version of Drago. I can’t pick against that guy. Dude’s a monster.
Drago via breaking Barry, and if he dies, he dies.

Ryan Bader vs. Eric Schafer
After being initially very excited about this season of TUF, I feel I’m losing interest a bit. Are any of those guys really good enough to make noise in the UFC? I have my doubts. Sure, Roy Nelson could beat a few UFC heavyweights, but just a few, and at his age and experience level, he isn’t going to get any better. Justin Wren looked like a bit of a beast, I suppose, but he looked even more like my buddy Jimmy. My buddy Jimmy is not what I would consider an athletic specimen. Anyways, what I’m getting at here is that you’re a sucker if you pick Schafer in this fight, because he’s got red hair.
Bader via force choke.

Main Card

Spencer Fisher vs. Joe Stevenson
Okay, I lied to you about three predictions ago. I ended up going home after making my Bader-Schafer prediction. So now it’s Thursday morning instead of Wednesday afternoon, and I’ve had a whole additional night to contemplate the outcomes of these last five fights. The pressure is now on me to make these last five predictions darn good, as I’ve had a whole additional night to think them through. Speaking of “pressure”, topical question – which is a better song, “Under Pressure” by Queen and David Bowie, or “Pressure Point” by The Zutons? I prefer the Zutons song, personally. Dude flips right out at the end.
Stevenson via guillotine choke (applying PRESSUE to the opponent’s neck, cutting off the flow of blood to the brain, causing a black out. Still topical).

Anthony Johnsonvs. Yoshiyuki Yoshida
I just went to wikipedia Yoshida, to see who all he had fought in the UFC. Looking at his list of fights, I didn’t see his fight against Matt Brown, which is the Yoshida fight that in my head I can remember most clearly. Confused, I went to Matt Brown’s wikipedia page – only to find out that Matt Brown has never fought Yoshida. Matt Brown fought Dong-Hyun “Stun Gun” Kim though, which is the fight I was thinking of. I’m so rattled right now. I fully admit that I thought Dong-Hyun “Stun Gun” Kim and Yoshiyuki Yoshida were the same person. They both are judo guys. They both fight at 170. They both came into the UFC at roughly the same time. And uh… they both are Asian. Please don’t think I’m a racist because of this whole ordeal.
Anthony Johnson via at least I can keep him and Jon Jones separate.

Josh Neer vs. Gleison Tibau
Ugh. Just got a call – I suddenly have a very busy plate at work today. Apologies, I have to make these last three picks quick-style.
Neer via TKO.

Ben Rothwell vs. Cain Velasquez
Brown pride! Not an issue to me. Ground, pound, repeat et. al.
Valasquez via decision (boring).

Main Event

UFC Light Heavyweight Championship
Lyoto Machida vs. Mauricio Rua
I couldn’t be happier that Machida actually goes for finishes now.
Machida via KO (complete with harnessed chi).

UFC 103 Predictions.

Trent Paisley — Fri, 18 Sep 2009 18:48:40 +0000

Undercard

Rafael Dos Anjos vs. Robert Emerson
I’ve said this before and I’ll say it again – “Dos Anjos” translates to “Of Angels”. You may be comfortable picking against holy warriors, but frankly good sir, I am NOT.
Dos Anjos via divine intervention.

Eliot Marshall vs. Jason Brilz
I liked Eliot Marshall on The Ultimate Fighter. But Jason Brilz, without being particularly well known, is undefeated in 13 straight fights, against tougher competition. Far more importantly, he is from North Dakota, which makes him practically Canadian. I’ve been to North Dakota once. A little city called Minot. It was pleasant.
Brilz via quasi-Canadian citizenship.

Drew McFedries vs. Tomasz Drwal
Both these guys punch hard. McFedries has Crohn’s disease. Drwal is Polish, and I don’t know how to pronounce his last name. My best friend through high school was Polish. Cool guy. He used to always say “Pride is well and good, but a sausage is a sausage”. Apparently that is some sort of important Polish proverb. Polish sausage is delicious.
Drwal via polish hammer (devastating).

Jim Miller vs. Steve Lopez
Steve Lopez doesn’t even have his own wikipedia page. Pfffft. Loser.
Miller via being notable.

Ricky Story vs. Brian Foster
I’m driving to Edmonton, Alberta later today, for a stag party. It’s about 5 hours away, and we’ve got a pretty right-on weekend planned. Paintball, bungee jumping, rippers, exciting times. I’m picking Rick Story solely for his name by the way – Rick “The Horror” Story. That’s pretty good right there.
Rick Story via creativity.

Nik Lentz vs. Rafaello Oliveira
Oliveira has not beat a single person with their own wikipedia page. Lentz has beat one, Drew Fickett. That is some high quality fight analysis.
Lentz via decision (boring).

Vladimir Matyushenko vs. Igor Pokrajac
Matyusheko’s nickname is “The Janitor”. Hahaha. Pokrajac is some dude that Cro Cop begged/demanded to have in the UFC. I saw the movie “9″ the other day, and didn’t think it was particularly good. Visually appealing, but the dialogue was super hokey. I was disappointed.
The Janitor via Russian Leg (Clean) Sweep. (Clean sweep, janitor, get it? Plus he’s Russian? I’m working on multiple levels, here, and y’all better up your game).

Efrain Escudero vs. Cole Miller
I’m getting sick of calling these preliminary card fights.
Cole Miller via experience (the harshest of teachers).

Main Card

Tyson Griffin vs. Hermes Franca
Pretty much guaranteed to take up 20 minutes of your Saturday night.
Griffin via decision (boring).

Josh Koscheck vs. Frank Trigg
I’m seriously out of here in like 3 hours for that stag trip. How sweet is that. On the downside, I have so far procrastinated on the two things I really have to get done before I leave. Also, quick story for you all. Last weekend I crashed a tiny bicycle while extremely inebriated, and road rashed my hands significantly. Not just “took off a layer of skin” road rash, but “took out chunks of hand” road rash. It has been healing okay, but today it’s at this weird crusting over stage that is not at all enjoyable. Whenever I end up stretching my hand, I break the crust, and it starts to bleed. I just needed you all to know where my head is at as I’m making these predictions.
Koscheck via shin check (breaking Ligg’s Treg).

Martin Kampmann vs. Paul Daley
A woman just called me and asked me if my office was located on 2nd avenue, or Millar avenue. I said Millar. She said thanks and immediately hung up. Should I be worried right now? If I suddenly stop posting after today, know that I was murdered and my death was related to that phone call. Also, on the prediction front, I would have picked Kampmann to beat Swick, so I definitely am picking him to beat Daley.
Kampmann via I may be the target of a terrorist plot (chilling).

Junior Dos Santos vs. Mirko “Cro Cop” Filipovic
If “Dos Anjos” means “Of Angels”, then I can only assume “Dos Santos” means “Of Santa Claus”. Yes, I do speak a little Spanish, obviously. Santa Claus is a good dude but I am not certain that I am comfortable with the different set of rules that he is allowed to operate under. And I’m talking legal rules, rules of time, rules of space, all kinds of rules.
Dos Santos via Christmas uppercut.

Main Event

Rich Franklin vs. Vitor Belfort
I think the UFC wants Belfot to win convincingly, because that gives them a very marketable title defense for Anderson Silva at 185. You know what they say about the best laid plans though, right? Sometimes they end up getting the girl pregnant. That’s life. Enjoy the fights, guys.
Franklin via decision (strangely compelling).